Panic Room - Winter 23/24 Edition

[mappy]

To help cut down with the off topic doom and gloom banter in the long range thread, please cancel winter here. 

Please and thank you. 
 

ps. The “move posts from one thread to another” function sucks here, so if you find a post of yours missing, it’s been hidden, and you can post it again here.

[PrinceFrederickWx]

Thank you for calling the AmWx Panic Room Hotline- the #1 source of trusted weather analysis on the web. If this is a life-threatening emergency, please hang up and dial 911 now. Due to a high volume of calls, your wait times may be longer than usual.

Please listen carefully as our menu options have recently changed:

-For trouble with your long range model performance, please press “1”

-For trouble with your El Nino performance, please press “2”

-For trouble with your backyard’s seasonal snow total performance, please press “3”

-For trouble with a December Pac Puke pattern, please press “4”

-For all other inquiries, or if your name is Ji, please stay on the line, and a customer account executive will be there to assist you shortly.

[Jebman]

There will not be many weather enthusiasts up in here, because the Mid Atlantic will soon be overrun with so much snow and vodka cold, that folks will be way too busy digging out.

[Rhino16]

17 hours ago, PrinceFrederickWx said:

Thank you for calling the AmWx Panic Room Hotline- the #1 source of trusted weather analysis on the web. If this is a life-threatening emergency, please hang up and dial 911 now. Due to a high volume of calls, your wait times may be longer than usual.

Please listen carefully as our menu options have recently changed:

-For trouble with your long range model performance, please press “1”

-For trouble with your El Nino performance, please press “2”

-For trouble with your backyard’s seasonal snow total performance, please press “3”

-For trouble with a December Pac Puke pattern, please press “4”

-For all other inquiries, or if your name is Ji, please stay on the line, and a customer account executive will be there to assist you shortly.

Which option should I dial to panic over southeast ridge troubles?

[PrinceFrederickWx]

1 hour ago, Rhino16 said:

Which option should I dial to panic over southeast ridge troubles?

Thank you for contacting AmWx Panic Room customer service. As a southeast ridge is typically found in a La Nina, we would ask that you please select option #2, “Trouble with your El Nino performance.”

Thank you again for choosing AmWx, the #1 source of trusted weather analysis on the web.

[wxdude64]

18 hours ago, PrinceFrederickWx said:

Thank you for calling the AmWx Panic Room Hotline- the #1 source of trusted weather analysis on the web. If this is a life-threatening emergency, please hang up and dial 911 now. Due to a high volume of calls, your wait times may be longer than usual.

Please listen carefully as our menu options have recently changed:

-For trouble with your long range model performance, please press “1”

-For trouble with your El Nino performance, please press “2”

-For trouble with your backyard’s seasonal snow total performance, please press “3”

-For trouble with a December Pac Puke pattern, please press “4”

-For all other inquiries, or if your name is Ji, please stay on the line, and a customer account executive will be there to assist you shortly.

How long is 'shortly'? Been waiting over two hours now for an answer. I'll ask again. 

I parked my '64 American Rambler 770 wagon during the snows of winter '65/'66, and now it has a terrible miss in cylinder 3. Got any ideas? 

[PrinceFrederickWx]

40 minutes ago, wxdude64 said:

How long is 'shortly'? Been waiting over two hours now for an answer. I'll ask again. 

I parked my '64 American Rambler 770 wagon during the snows of winter '65/'66, and now it has a terrible miss in cylinder 3. Got any ideas? 

*muzak plays*
 

Thank you for holding. All of our representatives are currently assisting other customers. There are currently… sixty-five… callers ahead of you.

Please note that we experience higher than normal call volumes during Happy Hour GFS runs, thank you!

*muzak plays again*

[H2O]

Can I bundle all my causes for why it won't snow?  Do I get a discount with that?  And what number do I hit for that or do I just mash all the buttons?

 

And I'm using a rotary phone so will i get time to dial 9 when needed?

[BristowWx]

2 hours ago, Rhino16 said:

Which option should I dial to panic over southeast ridge troubles?

That’s only available with the gold package.  For only 19.95 per month a hidden menu of options will be available for your panic pleasure.  Those options include: boundary level concerns, sun angle worries, retreating high pressure, inside runners and of course pig ridge woes…and so much more.  Call in the next 10 minutes and get a free Winter Cancel hoodie to show the world how you feel in any month of the year.  

[PrinceFrederickWx]

2 hours ago, BristowWx said:

That’s only available with the gold package.  For only 19.95 per month a hidden menu of options will be available for your panic pleasure.  Those options include: boundary level concerns, sun angle worries, retreating high pressure, inside runners and of course pig ridge woes…and so much more.  Call in the next 10 minutes and get a free Winter Cancel hoodie to show the world how you feel in any month of the year.  

Be sure to upsell the Platinum quadruple play package to customers that we’re unveiling later this year. It will include a 24/7 dedicated concierge service line for concerns over rain/snow maps at approximately 15,000 hours out.

[mappy]

 Amazing 

[Jebman]

What number should I dial to get the option when I want to Jump because the Nino is too strong and I think the entire CONUS will be flooded with Pac air thru July? I DEMAND white glove service directly from The Reaper Himself!

 

(Of course, I don't really think the CONUS will be flooded with pac air. MASSIVE SNOW WINTER WITH VODKA COLD is still on track for the entire Mid Atlantic!)

[wxdude64]

** still holding**

[cbmclean]

I'm beginning to think @Jebman might be an optimist; ban him from the the Panic Room!!

[Jebman]

18 minutes ago, cbmclean said:

I'm beginning to think @Jebman might be an optimist; ban him from the the Panic Room!!

We have a winnah.

Yep, Mid Atlantic is gonna see a lot of snow this winter, in and out of the Panic Room. Its going to be so cold, the Panic Room might freeze over. The Reaper might freeze to death and we'll find him in the spring.

[cbmclean]

12 minutes ago, Jebman said:

We have a winnah.

Yep, Mid Atlantic is gonna see a lot of snow this winter, in and out of the Panic Room. Its going to be so cold, the Panic Room might freeze over. The Reaper might freeze to death and we'll find him in the spring.

I've heard he chills easily because he doesn't have much skin on those bones.

[Maestrobjwa]

23 minutes ago, Jebman said:

We have a winnah.

Yep, Mid Atlantic is gonna see a lot of snow this winter, in and out of the Panic Room. Its going to be so cold, the Panic Room might freeze over. The Reaper might freeze to death and we'll find him in the spring.

 

Like this  (posted this earlier, lol)

 

 

[PrinceFrederickWx]

To our valued customers- we've listened to your feedback, and due to popular demand, we are pleased to offer a new phone option:

-For trouble with your Alaskan trough placement, please press "6"

Limited time only, act now while supplies last. Thank you again for choosing AmWx, the #1 source of trusted weather analysis on the web.

[Wxdavis5784]

43 minutes ago, PrinceFrederickWx said:

To our valued customers- we've listened to your feedback, and due to popular demand, we are pleased to offer a new phone option:

-For trouble with your Alaskan trough placement, please press "6"

Limited time only, act now while supplies last. Thank you again for choosing AmWx, the #1 source of trusted weather analysis on the web.

I really need that trough to move a bit west. What is the rate for the 12z suite? 

[cbmclean]

My new death metal band will be named

Perfect Track Rainstorm

[stormtracker]

2 hours ago, Wxdavis5784 said:

I really need that trough to move a bit west. What is the rate for the 12z suite? 

12z models are going to show something ridiculous.   You have my word.  

[PrinceFrederickWx]

13 hours ago, wxdude64 said:

** still holding**

Please sir, just drop a couple dimes into the slot, and I will happily complete your call as requested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebcrRFzJmWQ

 

[Paleocene]

no blues on GFS runs in november??

 

i'm OUT

 

 

 

 

jk

[stormtracker]

2 hours ago, stormtracker said:

12z models are going to show something ridiculous.   You have my word.  

I didn't say which DAY.

[WinterWxLuvr]

40 minutes ago, stormtracker said:

I didn't say which DAY.

Wait, I thought winter was over 

[psuhoffman]

14 minutes ago, WinterWxLuvr said:

Wait, I thought winter was over 

It is, it ended 9 months ago! 

[H2O]

ATTENTION AMWX SHOPPERS!!

Due to the long wait times at the "other" panic room hotline, I am pleased to announce that for a limited time I will offer a 1-900-ITS-OVER party hotline.  For a low, low, low, low price of $599.99 in 100 easy installments you can subscribe for 3 months and get your choice of party rooms and dedicated lines for pre-recorded messages from some of your fave people.  For example:

Press 1 for:  The Ji line.  Here you can listen to Ji say WINTER CANCELED on repeat.  And as a special feature, if it does snow you can dial in and hear him say "I can see the back end" 12 hours before it stops snowing.  

Press 2 for: The PSU line.  Get ready to spend at least 30 min of PSU explaining how only patterns that cause storms to be tucked and amped are worth tracking. His forecasts will be VERY IMBY specific and only really for those within a 5 mile radius of his location. 

Press 3 for: The NW crew.  This line will be where you can listen to people fret over being fringed when in reality it is puking snow while 95% of our area is getting virga.  Listen as the snow piles up the fastest from all the eyeballed snow totals.

Press 4 for: The Joe Bastardi line.  Here you can listen in on the most accurate LR forecaster and get his take on every rainstorm that he says will be a big snow.  As an added bonus he will also tell you how to bulk up.

Press 5 for: The EJ line.  Our resident eeyore will tell us how everything sucks and there is no good pattern and find some way to debbie downer the weather.  

Press 6 for: The SE crew.  This line will play the sound of mud squishing and tumbleweeds slamming into old people while the theme from Titanic plays in the background.  Its the calm soothing soundtrack everyone along and east of I-95 has known for years.  

Press 7 for: The SHORT PUMP OBS.  When storms go to our south we can listen in on the joy our southern brothers/sisters have.  Celebrate the deal that heat miser and cold miser made to let it snow in Southtown.  

Press 8 for: The Tropical Storm room.  Since it never snows anymore this room is for the people hoping to cash in this winter on a spiral swirly storm to bring warm temps and drought busting rains.  

 

More lines to be added in the future depending on demand and popularity.  All new customers will receive a football phone and a lifetime membership in AARP, Cat Fancy magazine and 10 CDs per month.  Call NOW!!!!!

 

 

[mappy]

I have died lol 

[mappy]

only 100 installments hahahahaha

[mappy]

low low low price