Ray, my struggle with my inner problems has been well documented on this forum, as over the years I have learned the best way to relieve the anger I feel inside and the self-doubt, self-anger and the reason for the issues in the first place was to drink alcohol and get drunk, not to be socializing and having a great time with friends, but to drown my emotional pain of depression in the inhibition free world of being drunk and without shame. Ove the past nine years, since December 2011 I have dealt with depression to the point of where I thought my life was in jeopardy, I almost tried to end it all. In that moment, I would not have had the inner discipline or strength to go on in life any longer. I wanted to take the short cut and no longer deal with the pain I was feeling. I was at the point of no return. I was relying on how other's felt about me to make myself feel great again, it was the wrong of all wrong ways to live a life as 21 year old Airman in the USAF. I had my whole life ahead of me, whatever road blocks life could throw my way, I had it all ahead. The day I wanted it all gone, a strong inner voice struck me and told me to go back to sleep, I had a late shift that day, so I slept late during the early afternoon hours. I went to sleep and I couldn't end it all, because that voice, it wasn't mine. Hell I couldn't have had the inner strength myself to pick me up and stop that thought from destroying my life. That moment and afterwards I realized, that the only way that I could listen to a voice like that, was it was the divine intervention from God Himself. I will never doubt the power of God and the love He shows for us in the clearest of ways. I will always owe my successes in life, if I am as lucky as I believe I am that God looked after me and told me through that voice that there was something about me worth saving. Death is inevitable. I now know the grace of life and how short it can be for all of us, I am almost fully recovered from my emotional turmoil and inner demons. I have renewed sense of faith, hope and love. It is the dear foundation of why I am positive all the time when I discuss storm chances, because I know what negative thoughts can do. Believe me Ray, I don't know what it is like to lose my father, my grandfather was 30 years sober, he died later on from his addictions to alcohol, I am eight years sober, because I couldn't live with myself if I could prevent such a health crisis. I have type one diabetes as well, it is auto-immune and genetic caused it. Today I want nothing to do with the illness causing me to die if I had something to say about it. I have been on a low-carb diet for the last six weeks, my sugars are behaving, I am trying everyday to prove to myself I am worth every sacrifice and my life decisions are over in the past, and only to look at the present and make the best ones from here on out.