This might be the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Well done!
I appreciate people who can make fun of THEIR teams...goodness knows I have both plenty of experience doing so for my teams. Of my top 5 teams (PSU Football, Orioles, Sixers, Flyers, Steelers) only one has won anything since the beginning of 2000. Flyers, Orioles and Sixers all go back 40 years or longer.