ATTENTION AMWX SHOPPERS!!
Due to the long wait times at the "other" panic room hotline, I am pleased to announce that for a limited time I will offer a 1-900-ITS-OVER party hotline. For a low, low, low, low price of $599.99 in 100 easy installments you can subscribe for 3 months and get your choice of party rooms and dedicated lines for pre-recorded messages from some of your fave people. For example:
Press 1 for: The Ji line. Here you can listen to Ji say WINTER CANCELED on repeat. And as a special feature, if it does snow you can dial in and hear him say "I can see the back end" 12 hours before it stops snowing.
Press 2 for: The PSU line. Get ready to spend at least 30 min of PSU explaining how only patterns that cause storms to be tucked and amped are worth tracking. His forecasts will be VERY IMBY specific and only really for those within a 5 mile radius of his location.
Press 3 for: The NW crew. This line will be where you can listen to people fret over being fringed when in reality it is puking snow while 95% of our area is getting virga. Listen as the snow piles up the fastest from all the eyeballed snow totals.
Press 4 for: The Joe Bastardi line. Here you can listen in on the most accurate LR forecaster and get his take on every rainstorm that he says will be a big snow. As an added bonus he will also tell you how to bulk up.
Press 5 for: The EJ line. Our resident eeyore will tell us how everything sucks and there is no good pattern and find some way to debbie downer the weather.
Press 6 for: The SE crew. This line will play the sound of mud squishing and tumbleweeds slamming into old people while the theme from Titanic plays in the background. Its the calm soothing soundtrack everyone along and east of I-95 has known for years.
Press 7 for: The SHORT PUMP OBS. When storms go to our south we can listen in on the joy our southern brothers/sisters have. Celebrate the deal that heat miser and cold miser made to let it snow in Southtown.
Press 8 for: The Tropical Storm room. Since it never snows anymore this room is for the people hoping to cash in this winter on a spiral swirly storm to bring warm temps and drought busting rains.
More lines to be added in the future depending on demand and popularity. All new customers will receive a football phone and a lifetime membership in AARP, Cat Fancy magazine and 10 CDs per month. Call NOW!!!!!
